New Preamble to the Constitution

So I was stumbling upon conservative politics pages just for a laugh and came across a blog post titled “A New Preamble to the Constitution” in which a conservative makes a “Bill of Non-Rights”. Here is the original link:
http://www.theabsurdreport.com/2009/new-preamble-to-the-constitution/
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
No is saying that you do. No one.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended.. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone — not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be..
Again, no one is disagreeing.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
Since when do you not have the right to be free from harm? And if you don’t have that right, why is it a bad thing to believe that you should?
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing.. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes ..
No, you don’t have the right to FREE food or housing, and no one is saying that you do. You DO, however, have the right to food and housing.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in public health care.
We all have the right to LIFE, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. If you are sick and you need health care to make you better then it is only fair that you get said health care. We all pay our taxes, and health care should be just another service offered like police, firemen, teachers, etc. If the nation’s teachers were all privatized would you call it socialism if we tried to ensure all children got to go to school? What if we extended the idea the public health care is socialism to our teachers? Our firemen? Our cops?
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
No one is saying you have the right to physically harm anyone else. In fact liberals are often outraged at the thought of it. Thinking you don’t have the right to harm other people doesn’t mean you have to believe that those who do harm deserve death.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
Where are you getting the idea that people believe this?
ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
No you don’t have the right to a job, but when you can’t afford to get vocational training and/or higher education then there s no “opportunity” to take advantage of.
ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
No one is disagreeing here.
ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don’t care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!
I'm actually not going to disagree with this one. I think that English should indeed be our official language and you should have to learn it to become a citizen. However, I wouldn’t have said that so harshly, particularly the “go back to where you came from” bit.
(Lastly…..)
ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country’s history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!
Not one of our founding fathers was a Christian. Our country was founded on the right to believe whatever you want to, not on a belief in God. The phrase only was first used on our coin during a strong Christian uprising during the civil war, in 1864. It became the official US motto after an act of congress in 1956. The constitution calls for the separation of church and state, and so nothing which comes from the government should be endowed with any religious motto or emblem.