Why Teen Sex Is Not the Immoral Act That the GOP Seems To Think It Is

This is a long one, be prepared!

So lately feminism has been plaguing my mind. After doing a bit of philosophical and critical thinking I got onto the subject (in my head) of teen sex. I was reminded of where George and I had left things in our discussion on when our children can have sex. He had won, and it’s not that I have issues about needing to be right all the time, but within my relationship with George I have trouble leaving things where one person still does not agree. He had won the argument, because I had no counter argument at the time, but I still disagreed with him. Well, in my critical thinking binge I finally came up with a counter-point after months of brooding over it (I am not above admitting I do have some issues), and I presented my argument respectfully to him, and he agreed with me.

So what was the whole argument about? We had left things off in that our children would be allowed to have sex at 16. I had said that I don’t see anything wrong with 15. He argued on the grounds that no fifteen year old is ready to be a parent and he felt that it would be irresponsible for us to let them engage in an activity which could lead to pregnancy. I could not think of any rebuttal, so I let it sit. And so for the argument that won him over:

No one knows but you when you are ready to have sex. I want to tell our children this, and arm them with the power to understand sex and love and decide for themselves when they are ready. We knew when it was the right time, why won’t our children know if they are taught enough about sex to understand when it is right? A sixteen year old is no more ready to be a parent than a 15 year old, nor is an 18 year old even. So why is 15 special? Everyone is different and matures at different times, we agree on this, which is why we agreed each of our kids would be allowed to do different things when they are ready, not when we are ready for them. We can’t possibly presume to know when they are ready for sex better than they will.

The reason this is so important to me is because when I was 15 I fell in love with a boy and began having protected sex with him (something George already knew, but I am including this story in my blog post for reader clarification). I didn’t tell my mother (I have a step father but even after the second marriage mother remained sole disciplinarian), not because I was hiding it, but because I didn’t feel it was any of her business. It was my life, my body, and my choice, and talking about sex with your mother isn’t exactly common practice. I had always been under the impression that sex really wasn’t a big deal, so I had no reason to believe that this would bother my mother. But it did. When she found out I was having sex, she freaked the fuck out. She was convinced I would get pregnant, though I had told her we were having protected sex. And for some reason which she had no evidence for, as she has told me in recent years, she was convinced that I thought it was no big deal if I got pregnant. Well instead of talking with me about her concerns, asking me how I felt about sex, asking me if I felt I was being responsible, or at the very least doing some sort of her own evaluation of my intellectual ability to consent to sex, she screamed at me for being irresponsible and told me I was what she called “grounded”. My mother’s version of grounded meant that I was not allowed anywhere but home and school, and was not allowed to talk to anyone on the phone. I feel like that is harsh, but that it’s still not too unreasonable, if it weren’t for the fact that this went on for over a year. I digress. My point in including this story was to point out that I have had to go through a period in my life where I did not own the rights to my own body. To continue:

I won’t take my kids’ sexual freedom away from them. George has never known what it is like not to have the rights to your own body. It is a dehumanizing, infuriating experience that I don’t want to put my kids through. Of course I don’t want our kids to impregnate or be impregnated, and I fully understand that they won’t ever be ready for that as teens, but a .1% chance is not enough to take away their right to their body. I say a .1% chance because that is the chance of pregnancy if using both condoms and birth control, and of course, I absolutely won’t condone having sex without condoms or pills. If our kids are found to be having sex without their use I fully expect us to reprimand and punish them. Also, I don’t want to just out and tell them that they are allowed to have sex at 15, or 14, or even 16 or 17. My whole point is that I don’t want them to feel like they need permission to make their own decisions about their bodies. We don’t have the right to tell someone else, no matter how they are related to us, what to do with their body.

Finally winning this argument with George was a victory for me, and it got me to thinking about people in general. Why is it that teen sex is so “immoral”? Is it because teenagers are incapable of making their own decisions? Anyone who has ever spent time actually talking to someone under 18 should know that they may not (generally) be the most intelligent of people, but they are far from stupid. If you look at it from the standpoint of they might make a mistake that they regret later, then adult sex should be just as immoral. Adults have sex with strangers or with people who aren’t good for them etc. all the time. I understand that as adults we are all free to make our own decisions because it is our constitutional right, but if adults are just as capable of making a mistake as teens, then why don’t teens get those rights too? Is it that teens are less capable of coping than adults? Individuals are unique, there are some adults who have trouble coping with sex at all, just as there are some teens that way as well. However, I know that the majority of teens in high school have sex and aren’t any the worse for it, just as with adults.

So, if it isn’t their decision making capabilities, then what? Is it that premarital sex is banned in the bible? (note: this argument is based strictly on grounds of morality, not legality) Well, unless you are a complete asshat, most Christians agree that the Bible is up for interpretation. Otherwise shaving would be wrong but raping your enemy’s women, not so much. In that case if you choose to believe that biblical ideas of premarital sex are correct, why? Why that passage and not what which says that pigs are unclean? Or the passage about dashing “thy little ones against the stones”? So, for all intents and purposes, we should say here that the Bible is not the know-all of everything moral and so, for the purposes of this argument, should not be used as a definitive guide to morality. So if it is not because of religion, why is it immoral?

I suspect it to be one of the above reasons which are either illogical or unable to be proven, or that it could be one other reason. I suspect that it could be the GOP believes teen sex to be immoral, because that is what they think. In their minds, they think it is immoral, so it is. I honestly have no problem with that, if their moral compass points them this way. They are entitled to their opinion. However, just because it is their opinion, that doesn’t make it correct. There is no real proof that teen sex is immoral.